Play
It’s sometimes said that play is the child’s work or way of understanding the world. And of course it is. But play is much more than that. It’s the child’s life and essence. Through play, the child develops language and understanding of how things fit together, as well as understanding of rules and understanding of other people. Play helps the child to create a context and process what he or she learns. When a child plays with others, the play is often an intense joint experience. When the child is concentrating intensively on play, learning is optimised.
Children need to play. A great deal, often and for a long time. Alone, with one other person or with a lot of other people. In front of a screen, in the forest and in the living room. As a parent, you can help the child by joining in with the play yourself and also by letting your child play with other children. Giving the child opportunities for different kinds of play — quiet, with movement and with different challenges — is an important task for a parent.
Language and play
Both language and imagination play a major role in children’s play. As children’s language develops to enable them to form more complex sentences, they often begin to play more planned-out pretend games. Role play games require a child to be able to speak because they involve discussions on who will be included, what roles people will have, where the game will take place and how the game will be structured. The older the child gets and the more advanced his or her language, the more time will be spent on setting up the game. It’s important to reach agreement when you’re about to play. To mark when the game is going on, children often speak in a specific way, either in the preterite or past tense. “Then I was a mysterious fire warrior” conveys the message that the child is now stepping into what was planned and is open to exciting things happening.
Pretend games, running games and craft games can occupy an important place in the child’s everyday life. But the newest and most exciting play for many three and four year-olds is role play. When the child begins to understand rules, it becomes possible to set up a game and invite others. It’s more effective than simply imitating someone or standing next to them, as younger children often do. Now the children can agree (maybe) about what roles they will play, where the game will take place and what will happen: “So you’re a big old lady with an ambulance”.
Dressing up is a way of strengthening your sense of who you are and of clarifying roles. Setting the scene for the game can take a long time and it can be just as important and just as much fun as the game itself. Children who are not really ready to participate in role play can often take part in the preparations. Most can be included in building walls in the sandbox, the tent or tidying the doll corner. In order for children to feel comfortable and develop, they need to meet other children who are at approximately the same level of play as they themselves. Gender and age is less important than the other children’s ability to play.
Black and white games
Children’s play is often about things they want to master or are frightened of. Many children play games in which they are stupid or kind and wonder about what qualities they themselves and others have.
In play, a child tests being brave and not cowardly, being together with others and not alone, that your mum exists but children also can go away, escape and disappear. The games are about fundamental dimensions of being a person among other people. It’s easier to express and understand things that are difficult when they happen to animals or princes and princesses than if they happen to a child. In play, you can approach what you’re frightened of by changing the conditions a bit. It can be easier to think that a magic ring makes nasty people disappear than that nasty people can exist in the real world.
To get to know their bad sides, children need to explore them in play. That’s where children learn about good and evil, right and wrong. If we base our approach on the fact that our children want to be kind, we needn’t be afraid of their violent, vicious games.
Imaginary friends
Some children are blessed with an imaginary friend. They’re born in the child’s imagination, they usually appear when the child is alone and they fix it so the child has someone to play with. On one level, the child knows that the imaginary friend is just pretend, but at times he or she is real and alive. Some imaginary friends stay around for several years so the whole family gets to know them. Perhaps they disappear when the child has to do something with the parents, but sometimes they have to be given a seat at the table and in bed. Of course you have to respect them and it’s fine to suggest that the child play with them while you’re preparing the evening meal. But sometimes we may feel that the imaginary friend is taking up too much space. Then we have to suggest that the friend go and play somewhere else for a while. Some children, like Alfie Atkins, blame their imaginary friend when they’ve been up to mischief. It’s a good thing to keep calm and not confront the child about the lie. Instead, you can see the imaginary friend as an expression of the child’s imagination and creativity and you can join in the game and tell the imaginary friend off for what he or she has done.
Imagination, play and reality
We needn’t be afraid that children can’t tell the difference between play and reality. Sometimes it feels as though some children have so much imagination that they believe anything at all can happen. Perhaps they might ask questions over and over again about something they’ve seen on TV. Or they get so absorbed in their Star Wars game that we end up wondering if they think they’re called Leia. But children know the difference. They realise that a radio that allows you to hear voices in the kitchen actually exists, but that children being magically turned into adults is just pretend. Pillows can turn into stones and flowers can talk, but only when you’re playing. It’s more difficult to distinguish between imaginary characters and real characters. Play has such a clear language, a specific scene where it takes place and assigned roles and conditions. However, imaginary characters can also form part of reality. Children believe in Santa Claus because adults say he exists. Children may be less sure about other imaginary characters. Perhaps fairies actually exist, and monsters? They need to test things out, play and talk to their parents about the characters to get a clear idea of how things stand. Dinosaurs existed in the past, in reality. But there are none now.
