Everyday Life
Bedtime
It’s nice to round off the day with an evening routine that includes chatting and reading a story. It gives a chance to catch up on what the child has been doing during the day. Having the same routine for the evening meal, brushing teeth, washing, having a bath, pyjamas and bedtime on weekdays makes it easier for the child.
Sleep
Some children stop having a nap during the day at the age of 3–4. Others need to continue having an afternoon nap for a little while longer. If the child is still being fed at night, you can stop that now. Even if the child sleeps in his or her own room, most children want to come in or be carried to the parents’ bed sometimes. If you don’t want children in your bed, you can carry them back when they’ve fallen asleep or perhaps sit next to their bed until they fall asleep. Some families make an extra wide family bed so children can crawl into it if they come during the night. Some children make a place for themselves down at the foot of the bed. For many children it doesn’t matter if it’s a bit crowded as long as they get to be close.
Brushing teeth and small children
There’s more than one way to get children to brush their teeth. There are as many solutions as there are children and parents. The important thing is for your child to get used to brushing his or her teeth regularly twice a day from the start, as soon as the first tooth appears. In the morning, preferably after breakfast and before bedtime in the evening.
Use a toothbrush with a small, soft head. An electric toothbrush cleans just as well — or better according to a lot of dentists — as an ordinary toothbrush.
Choose a toothpaste that has a mild taste and that contains fluoride, which strengthens the teeth. Brushing in the morning and evening with fluoride toothpaste protects teeth against tooth decay. In order to benefit properly from the fluoride, you shouldn’t rinse away the toothpaste after brushing. Don’t worry if your child swallows the toothpaste.
Children need help to brush their teeth every day up to about the age of 10. Only then do they have the fine motor skills needed to be able to brush properly.
Having periods when they suddenly refuse to do things that were previously taken for granted is part of the child’s development. Some children like to brush their teeth, whereas for other children it’s a necessary evil. Then a power struggle between parents and children can easily develop. Don’t force your child, but nor must you leave any room for negotiation on whether or not teeth must be brushed. On the other hand, let the child participate by using a bit of imagination, play and mischief around the brushing routine. For example, try to look for funny things in the mouth. Look in the mirror and finish the brushing routine by looking at how clean and nice the teeth have become. Another trick might be to let the child start brushing your teeth.
Dressing unaided
Many children start to want to put on their hat themselves by the age of one. At eighteen months, they usually know that shoes and boots go on the feet. Some children continue their journey of discovery in the world of clothing, whereas others think it’s nice to be dressed by someone else, particularly in the morning or when you have a younger sibling.
At the age of 3–4, many children can often dress themselves, particularly at preschool. It helps if the clothes are easy to put on and take off. Many still need help to do up buttons and pull up zips, whereas shoes are usually put on the right foot.
Why is there often so much fuss and so many arguments around getting dressed? Making decisions about your own body and what must happen to it is part of the child’s development and training to become an independent individual. But being sensitive to the child’s feelings and needs doesn’t always mean that you allow your child to be in control. One challenge in responsive parenting is find a balance between affirming the child’s feelings and wishes and making decisions about them at the same time.
What requirements may reasonably be imposed on a three to four year-old child? Of course it differs from one child to another, but it also depends on the situation. When the opportunity arises, it’s a good idea for the child to dress him or herself as far as possible. For some children, choice of clothes can be difficult. One way could be to put out the clothing that the child will wear the next day as early as the day before. If your child finds it hard to choose, you can help by letting him or her choose between two socks, jumpers, etc. During some periods, the favourite socks may get rinsed out every evening so they’re clean for the next day. For many children, that gives them a feeling of being able to decide for themselves and there’s a greater chance that they’ll be happy and satisfied.
Sometimes, the child may have been disturbed in a game and hasn’t had time to finish and is then already surly and angry before dressing has even begun. Consider — does your child need to be prepared a little while before it’s time to stop playing and get dressed?
Remember to pick your battles!
Tidying
Tidying things away at the end of the day or possibly once or twice a week can be a recurring source of tension between child and parent. It is good if the routine of tidying is a recurring routine that the child can recognise. It’s more fun to do the tidying together. It is not unusual for a child to start playing with a toy that suddenly becomes much more interesting when it should be tidied away. At such times it is easy for the child to lose focus and the parent becomes frustrated. Try to get the child’s attention back to the task in hand. This might become a fun game. You can also challenge the child to a competition, where the child is most often the “winner”. Some days the child can handle more, other days less. This also applies to parents.
As a parent you can make the tidying easier by organising the child’s toys using different boxes for bricks, dolls or cars, making it clear and easy for the child to see where the things should be stored. The boxes can be labelled with pictures of what the box should contain so that everyone understands. (If the child has lots of toys, you can try to not to take so many things out, just remove some toys now and then and replace them with others after a while.)
It can also be good to leave something that has been played with for the next day, such as a Lego building or a tent.
For natural reasons, tempers often flare at the end of the day when everyone is tired (and perhaps hungry) and the margins are smaller. Try to do the tidying together when the child has had some food, when it is not too tired and preferably with something the child looks forward to doing with you such as a little fun play, a story, playing a game or a bath. Adjust the size of the task to how the child is feeling and show appreciation when it is done.
