Daily Playtime — Why and How?
Why daily playtime?
At times when there are a lot of arguments, “daily playtime” is a good way of reducing the number of arguments. Studies show that ten to fifteen minutes every day has a positive effect! If there are a lot of arguments and you want to start having playtime as a way of trying to reduce conflict and build a better relationship, the text underneath containing tips and advice is sure to be a big help.
Of course it’s nice to have those moments even if there aren’t a lot of arguments happening. Playtime serves to prevent arguments and to lubricate the relationship. When family life is flowing well, those nice moments will often arise spontaneously. At those times, advice about planning and timing can seem very rigid. However, the other advice is good for everyone!
What do you do?
The point of playtime is for you as a parent to follow the child’s lead. It’s usually the other way round — the child follows the parent or another adult. So follow the child’s initiative, ideas and inventions during playtime! (Of course, some obvious limits apply, such as no-one must get hurt). The point of playtime is for the child to have his or her parent’s interested, affectionate attention for a while!
Things to bear in mind during playtime:
- Show enjoyment and enthusiasm! Show that it’s fun to be together.
- If you think playing is difficult/boring, one trick is to see yourself as a “football commentator” and comment on everything the child does. For example, “Oh, now your car went over there…”. Don’t ask a lot of questions, just describe what the child is doing.
- Don’t give good advice if the child doesn’t ask for it. The child could interpret that as a telling off.
- Don’t try and teach the child by saying things like “Do you know what colour it is?” or “Now we have ten blocks and I take one away, so there are nine left” (unless the child loves doing exactly that!).
- Don’t compete with the child.
- Respect the game and the child’s imagination. Only set limits if someone could get hurt or something could get damaged. When you play, you can explore both positive and negative feelings and events. It’s even a good thing to do that!
- Be an attentive, appreciative audience! Encourage your child’s ideas and create enjoyment.
- Don’t think about later or about consequences or what your flexibility could lead to. Live in the moment and enjoy it!
Watch out for educational ulterior motives!
Sometimes we think that opposition is good for children. It helps their social development if they don’t always get their own way in a game. But you don’t need to worry about that — the child experiences opposition all day long at preschool. Or from you in other situations. Daily playtime should be free from “educational ulterior motives”. It’s the child’s playtime and the focus is on relationships and enjoyment!
“Just go along with it” can also be challenging for a parent because you’re used to controlling and planning things to do with the child and everyday life. Or because you’re stressed. A moment in which you follow someone else’s lead also gives you a kind of rest from the stresses of everyday life. A chance to live in the moment for a little while — with your child.
A frame around playtime
Clear routines to do with playtime often help both parents and the child. Plan when playtime can happen and set aside time. Have your mobile on silent during that time.
When does it work for you? Perhaps after dinner when everyone has eaten? A little while in the morning can be good if children wake up early. If you always do it at the same time, it becomes foreseeable for the child and a routine for the family. If that’s not possible in your everyday life, you must tell the child clearly when it will happen today.
For many children, it’s a good idea to be clear and say that now you want to have playtime every day with the child. Say how it’s going to be and when it will happen. For some children — particularly the youngest — it works better to sneak in playtime without talking about it.
Start clearly with “Now it’s your playtime! What shall we do?” Of course, you can come up with ideas if your child wants you to. Say that you’re going to play for a while and the timer will go off when the time is up.
Keep to the time you’ve set aside. You’re more likely to have playtime every day if you don’t set aside too much time — ten minutes or a quarter of an hour is enough. Having the same length of time every day also helps the child to stop. Set a timer and make it clear that you’ll play until it goes off. When the timer goes off, stop clearly and calmly and say that there’ll be another playtime tomorrow. Your child may not want to stop when he or she has been receiving all this nice attention, but if you’re consistent with playtimes, the child learns that playtime will be repeated and then he or she is more able to accept when it’s over. When you stop, you can make suggestions about what your child could do next, such as carry on playing by him or herself, do an activity or “help” by clearing up in the kitchen.
Playing according to a manual and a timer may sound a bit inflexible? Playing freely so playtimes are longer sometimes and do not happen at all at other times is of course more natural. And dealing with the child’s frustration when the game is over or when you’re not available is part of parenting and forms a natural part of the child-parent relationship. But when things have become muddled and argumentative between children and parents, a “play schedule” can help get things back on track. And make sure that you actually have good times together on a regular basis.
When you have more than one child, it can be tricky to fit in daily playtime. Find your own solutions — can the sibling/siblings get on by themselves for a while? Can you divide them up if there are two parents? Is it possible to have playtime with two children together? Perhaps they can each choose what you do every other day?
Children often have ideas themselves, but if they want you to think up the game, here are a few suggestions:
Ideas for games
Playing shops or restaurants
Dressing up
Playing with figures/dolls and using them for role play
Building with lego or blocks
Charades (you use cards with pictures on, for example animals, and imitate them and the others try and guess what it is)
Playing horses/dogs (you are a horse that the child feeds, brushes, puts to bed, rides on/takes out. It can be the best thing in the world for tired parents and the child’s caring side comes out.)
Remember
10–15 minutes every day — set an alarm. Make it clear when playtime is and that it happens every day.
The football commentator. Focus fully on the child. Comment on what the child is doing.
Don’t teach. Don’t ask a lot of questions. Don’t change the child’s game.
Attention, interest and enjoyment. Follow the child’s lead!
