The Child’s Development
We human beings are different from one another. No-one would dream of describing a 36 year-old’s development as stereotypically human. The same applies to children’s development. Today, we know that children are personalities from the very first day. And that such an approach is beneficial for their development and helps us as parents to work with our particular child to find the best way.
However, despite the fact that we are individuals, there are some common features in our development. The development of the brain, for example, is determined by the child’s experiences. However, the structures also mature at a rate that is to some extent linked to the child’s age. During the pre-school years, children have the ability to learn several languages at the same time, whereas for adults it’s much more difficult to learn to be fluent in a new language. The same applies to children’s physical development. All children put their hands in their mouths before they learn to clap their hands. Also, the desire to communicate, play, be liked and get on with others is common to all children.
Another feature that is common to most people is the fact that development does not progress like a steady stream, but alternates between being a quiet pond and a waterfall. We sometimes talk as though development takes place in leaps and bounds. Many children find frustration building up inside them before such a leap forward in their development. We also start to realise that it would be fun to be able to do certain things and we become irritated when it doesn’t work. Perhaps that frustration a powerful driving force for development. Children would never get what they wanted if they didn’t dare to try and say what they wanted before they were able to express themselves properly.
On this point, the texts seek to describe development as it might appear at different ages. If that doesn’t match your child’s development, it doesn’t mean that your child is late, early or abnormal. It just means that your child is his or her own person. Finding a way to live together that you and your child are comfortable with is infinitely more important than whether your child develops according to any particular yardstick. Or, for that matter, whether you conform to the growth curve for a 36 year-old.
Life with a three year-old
For many three year-olds, the terrible twos are still in full swing. The child’s own will is a force to be reckoned with (hmm!) and for many, their language is flowing freely. That’s not to say that the child’s will is particularly predictable or constant. When the brain is developing this rapidly, existence can feel a bit unstable for the child. His or her moods can be like a roller coaster and the child is completely unable to control it. The child is on his or her way towards acquiring a lot of abilities. But most three year-olds aren’t quite there yet. You can almost imagine it crackling in the child’s brain. Some researchers state that a million synapses, connections between brain cells, are being formed in the child’s brain. Every second. It’s easy to imagine that such a lot of activity can cause a few mood swings.
Your child needs safe guidance from a parent during these periods. But it rarely helps to be predictable and consistent. The child’s moods can change rapidly and routines that fit like a glove yesterday can collapse like a house of cards today. Therefore, with most children at this age it’s actually better to be a bit flexible than to have strict routines. Being a bit flexible can make things easier if a child is going through a spurt in its development.
Many three year-olds have such good balance and bodily control that they can do most things. The child may perhaps be able to ride a tricycle, go high on a swing, walk on tip-toe and climb. Perhaps the child builds tents out of pillows and blankets, is able to work out how to build them and gets angry when they’re knocked down or if the blanket won’t stay in place. Building tents, ships and things from lego requires spatial and bodily awareness, coordination of impression and a sense of the size and weight of things and how they relate to one another. Children enjoy it when they’re able to create their own worlds.
Many children can draw lines and circles that can turn into figures with big heads with arms and legs attached. The first drawings that a child does are worth keeping. Talking to the child about them is often very interesting and gives a feel for how the child sees the world.
Some children at this point are able to cut, browse in books and most of them can dress themselves (at least at preschool). Doing up buttons is still hard. Undoing them is usually easier. By this point, if not before, it’s apparent whether the child is right-handed or left-handed.
Life with a four year-old
For some four year-olds, their abilities and moods have started to fall into place. Perhaps the foundations for language, thinking, emotional security and physical safety have been laid and the child (and you as a parent) can enjoy everything that he or she has learned. When children are beginning to feel a bit more stable in what they can do, many take a step out into the world. It can be almost like a leap forward in the child’s emotional development and thinking. The child knows how to communicate and make contact with others. Friends and people outside the family may become more important than they were before. Because the child can often make him or herself understood in terms of language, parents can gain greater insight into the child’s thoughts. Bedtime in the evening can involve questions about a huge variety of topics.
It’s very important for children to have friends to play with and for them to be stimulated and challenged. It’s important for children to feel that they can manage and masters things in their everyday life. Comforting a younger sibling who’s unhappy, pushing the food trolley at preschool or being able to put on your overall by yourself makes you proud and gives you a feeling of importance. Different kinds of games, with other children in the playground, in peace and quiet with a good friend or managing to keep to the rules of a game, provide the child with a wide range of experiences.
Of course, the family is still the child’s starting point for security, but to get to be included in things along with others provides the child with a different kind of stimulus.
A four year-old starts to become more secure in his or her movements. At this age, children can run faster and in a more controlled way, jump quite long distances and challenge themselves on the climbing frame or whatever is at hand. They may have learned to use the swing on their own and they may like to be in motion. Children’s tremendous need and desire to be in motion promotes their development! It’s important to provide opportunities for running, climbing and play. For children who are a little more awkward in terms of their motor skills, the advice is normally that they should move around in the forest and on more broken ground, where the body works to adapt the child’s steps and maintain balance all by itself. When children kick or throw a ball, it develops hand, foot and eye coordination. In the forest, in the playground or on a playing field, parents get the chance to admire and affirm everything the child is learning!
Four year-olds have developed fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination and many children can now use a knife and fork, wooden beads and can get dressed themselves — if the button’s are not too hard. If a child is more restless, he or she quickly becomes frustrated by craft games and tasks using fine motor skills and must take it a bit at a time, whereas other children want to sit and do crafts for a long time and enjoy being able to create something. At this age, children start to draw imaginary things based on what they see and experience. By the age of four, most children can draw a round head with eyes and legs attached to the head. So even if we say “imaginary”, it’s not certain that parents will understand what the art is supposed to represent. Ask the child and you may just get a detailed explanation!
